Best George Carlin Quotes

Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense! (George Carlin)

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. (George Carlin)

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept. (George Carlin)

If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer. (George Carlin)

Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft. (George Carlin)

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed. (George Carlin)

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac? (George Carlin)

I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don’t trust any organization that has a handbook. (George Carlin)

Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter. (George Carlin)

In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem. (George Carlin)

One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict. (George Carlin)

The future will soon be a thing of the past. (George Carlin)

Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. (George Carlin)

The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. (George Carlin)

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work. (George Carlin)

I think I am, therefore, I am. I think. (George Carlin)

If the cops didn’t see it, I didn’t do it! (George Carlin)

I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights. (George Carlin)

I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it. (George Carlin)

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